The gayness is getting to me.
I'm now going to stay right here in my little bubble, thankyou very much.

00:00

"Happpay Neeew Yeearr!"

They hug, kiss, wish each other,dance about,run to the other end of the room.

"Its twelve, its twelve!'"
"YAY. OmiGod!"

"You're five minutes early.."
"Oh."

Tick. Tick. Tick.
Tralalala. Tick.

"Happay Neeew Yeear!"
Sabira serves herself some more chips. Its symbolic.

Lesson One

Eels really are slippery. They mustn't be allowed to slide out of tanks.
Mice should not be placed on top of cars.
Fish can be suicidal.
Hamster babies should not be confused with chewing gum.
An extremely hot water-heater in an aquarium can boil the fish.
Rabbits should not be dropped on their heads.

I had a momentous childhood. I lack the same pace now.
I have a bunch of exciting stories that you haven't heard.
My pets are in good condition.Do not fear.

A Mental Note

Certain tactics that never fail when me because I have history. I don't really recommend them to others, but they do seem to work (enough) for me.

1. When I don't know the answer,I bamboozle them by the utilization of sufficiently large multi-syllabic terms. It impresses them. In my medieval Indian paper, I used the word 'autochthonomous' everywhere! I'm dying to see the results!
2. If the answer has anything to do with a particular place that has a specific language, use the language. In the history of the USSR paper I used the words 'prodraverstka' and 'glavki' even though I didn't/don't know what they mean. I also threw in a couple of 'Au contraires' to dazzle the extremely knowledgeable professors with my tri-lingual abilities.
3. Flatter them. All the time. Even when they're not around. You'll begin to give off a very nice vibe that they'll love. This handy tip comes from having years of experience.
4. Remember a single theory and generalize it. Like the entire proletarian vs. Bourgeoisie concept can be used everywhere! Just say your Marxist if they ask. -Hey! historians do that.
5. Synonyms. Paraphrasing. Two very important techniques.

Studying is also an option that one mustn't resort to. Except in extreme situations.

So. I made Pork chops yesterday.








And a creamy cauliflower side dish, which complimented them rather well.







And then i ate.








It turned out nicely, i think, considering it was the first time i'd made pork chops and i put in every possible ingredient i could find. I should have added a little more salt though. The cauliflower looks pretty unappetising because i'm not the best photographer, but i liked the creamy consistency.

This blog is finally beginning to serve some purpose. I can record everything i've made and refer back to it when i need to. I'm not putting up the recipes because I'd rather develop them completely and then sell them to some cookbook and then make millions and then buy a yatch and then sail to the shores of the caribbean where i can buy exotic ingredients and then get richer and then..
But if you really want them. Please comment. (This is such an underhand way of making people comment on this blog. I liiike.)

I call it "Reese's Pieces"

A pictographic story.

  








 

List

Completely arbitrary list, in random order.
Completely.

1. Gael Garcia Bernal
   
2. Roque SantaCruz
3. James Dean
4. Michel Gondry
5. Holden Caulfield
6. Che guevara
7. Sirius Black
8. Paul Mcartney
9. Paolo Maldini
10. Amir khan (the boxer)

*sigh*  Thou art how typical.

FYI

I love wikiHow. I love, love it.
I'm copying and pasting for the benefit of Mr. Kite.. and others, but full credit to the people/person who wrote this. 
wikihow is god too.
Try clicking on that random article page, it always throws up fascinating results.
(In particular, the how to be a goth article)

http://www.wikihow.com/Dance-So-People-Stare-at-You

How to Dance So People Stare at You
Some people can dance well. Some people can't. If you want to dance so people stare at you, read on.
Steps

1. Make sure there is music playing. Otherwise, you'll look even more stupid then you would if there was music
2. Slowly raise your arms up. Then slowly pull them down.
3. Spin until you are too dizzy to spin any longer.
4. Jump with your feet flat on the floor and wait dramatically, as if you are in an action movie.
5. Do the moonwalk.
6. Dash across the floor and leap with your arms stretched out. This is called a 'grand jete' or something like that.
7. Make fists with both hands and alternate moving them up and down.
   Make an 'alligator mouth' with both hands and 'snap' them.
8. Flail your arms around madly and crazily.
9. By now, people should be staring at you. If they aren't, you have been doing something wrong.
10. Attempt to do the splits, then cry out in pain when you are about halfway.
11. Pull yourself up, and do any disco move you desire.
12. Exit the room.
    

Tips

• Make odd expressions with your face as you are dancing.
  

• If people tell you to stop, tell them you don't ask them to stop dancing when they are enjoying themselves.
  

• Wear a ridiculous costume, such as a skin tight neon bodysuit.

Warnings

• When you are flailing your arms around, make sure not to hit anyone, or you could be sued.
  

• If you are in a professional place, you may not want to do this.
  

*

http://www.wikihow.com/Freak-People-Out
How to Freak People Out
Want to know how to totally freak people out? That is, without being gross? It requires a strange mind, but moreso a lot of bravery... or stupidity.

Steps

1. Carry objects suspicious to others. Here's a great example: label a suitcase "head", and walk around with it.Or carry around normal things in a suspicious way. Get a cardboard box and fill it with scissors with red food colouring on them (so it looks like blood), and carry them around offering them to people.
2. Talk on a headset loudly and say wacky things like "no, no...it'll blow before I get there." or "So grandma... what're you wearing?" (and then wink to people standing around)
3. Be disturbed. You could crouch in the corner of an elevator and stare at the camera. That's only for the people that can keep a straight face (keep your eyes on the camera even if people come in). If there's no camera, face the corner chanting some distorted spell thing.
4. Pretend to be a psychic. Say you're at McDonald's, look up at the menu for a while (you can even squint) and then lean over to the person next to you in line and say "don't try the fries". Or something like that. Right after that, walk into the restroom casually so the person can't ask why.
5. Pretend to be a blind person in public then get into a car and drive off. Or follow real close behind people and trip over their feet and say "Oh! sorry, didn't see you there... obviously." (Then make a sad face) You can pretend to really hurt yourself as well, and point angrily in the wrong direction claiming you'll sue. (note: don't trip in front of traffic)
6. Learn how to do something really cool like juggle fire or chainsaws or throw knives then scare people by juggling over their head.
7. Sneak up behind people and make bird or animal noises. This one takes imagination!
8. Fake elaborate seizures. (note: this one isn't very safe at all)
9. Talk in Shakespearean language.
10. Get a friend to wear a dark suit, and have them follow you. You can pretend you're on the run from the law or you're Tom Cruise or something.
11. Put regular candy (that you can swallow safely) into gum wrappers and eat it continually, especially in an elevator or cafe. Then complain that your stomach hurts.
12. Wear costumes. Great example: get a friend, one of you wear green tights and the other black, and you can be Peter pan and his shadow.
13. Stage crime scene investigations. Fake bodies and yellow tape can help out here.

Tips

• Put lots of time thinking of what to say. you could think of something the day before so you can perfect it when the moment comes.
  

• Once you get experienced you can spot good opportunities and act completely insane on the spot.
  

• These usually work well in crowded areas.
  

Warnings

• Doing this stuff could get you tangled up with security.
  

Things needed

• A random brain
  

• Maybe a few friends (to make sure you stay safe, or help out)
  

• Practice.
  

*
Please Note: Au contraire to what it may seem like, i do not, did not and have not used any of these tips.

To prevent Tearing

"I could have used these glasses over the holidays when I had to chop a lot of onions. The goggles have a foam seal that shuts out onion smells and protects your eyes. They also have anti-fog lenses and don't look that unattractive." - person who wants to buy ridiculous looking glasses.
Another advantage that i have noted-
you need not buy those 3-D vision glasses for the upcoming star trek convention. 




Another variant of the ever useful kitchen contraption, onion goggles. They come with tiny  detachable tea cups, in the rare case that you wish to stop chopping onions and want to sit down for a jolly good cup o' tea with a spot of lemon innit.