Free Falling

I'm terribly uninspired right now, so the junk that i normally produce is going to be worse than it is usually.
So its just terrible.

I went wall climbing today. It sounds a whole lot less exciting when i say that, than when you actually climb. Its pretty darn scary actually, but i reached the top. (That's not boasting. Nope. Its not counted.. I'm sure you would have been curious about how far i reached.. so i  had  to tell you.)
We were wearing harnesses and it felt like a nappy-cum-thong, and i was thinking of that while putting it on and i kept laughing-I'm quite immature. I think the climbing man was getting pretty annoyed at me, so i tried to be extra nice lest he drop me to pay back for my behaviour. I'm pretty short actually, so climbing isn't easy (its easier for taller people. And for those of you snickering here, i finally felt the height thing today.. i usually feel pretty tall. Go ahead, laugh. I know you want to.)
The first bit was alright, but once I'd reached a decent height my
 vertigo started kicking in, and i started getting quite nervous. You
 know all the 'symptoms' i'm sure.. heart racing, sweaty palms, 
head throbbing yet in a clear voice saying " You're going to die.
 Yes, die. You are going to plummet to the ground
 at the speed of light and then you will look like a bug on a 
windshield. Smart, real smart sabira.
 And you don't even have a will." 
And then there was the really tough part, when i reached the slanting bit, and to grab on to every hold i had to really push myself up and jump.. I struggled on that bit twice, i thought i would fall and break my noggin, and the voices were becoming louder and louder, but i managed in the end. But the first two times, when i couldn't do it, i was just dangling there half way up (actually, more.) thinking about how i won't be able to write any more blog
entries.

But the worst part, the part i really hate, is when you have to let go and come down. When your stomach sinks to your knees, and what you ate for lunch comes all the way up, and you 
nearly lose consciousness, and every thing becomes blurry,
and you think your brain was right, and then you curse yourself 
and...
It felt like i was in one of those dreams.. when you keep falling and falling.. and falling. But in dreams i like the feeling, i enjoy it. My brain doesn't say much then.. so that must be it.
But here, I had to close my eyes every single time, really tightly, so that even the
air pressure couldnt have forced them open.. I'm sure that if i didn't i would have
vomited all over the man billing (it's pronounced bilaying, but i don't know how to spell it, so I'll just leave it like that until i figure out how you do.) me down, or there would have been some equally dire
consequences.
I wonder why its so hard to let go, and why i would rather have just stuck to that wall, even if i was all the way up there, and i claim to have vertigo. It was just a whole lot safer that way, i thought.
We do that off the wall too. We can't let go easily, can we? And after you do, you feel like you're going to come crashing down.. but you don't. You always land on your feet, safe and sound. Like cats, but still shaking.